The last word … boils down to Truth! When a situation looks to be unsolvable and you don’t know the way to turn, if you feel unworthy or are in a situation because you made a mistake, what can you do but turn to the dear Father for an answer?
That was just how it was for me. I felt like the Roman Catholic girl who said, “I have nothing left but Christ” (S&H 238:10). But “If God be for us, who can be against us?” (Rom. 8:31)
My marriage was in shambles and I had the opportunity to take a position at a college in the Midwest. It seemed that I was being given a chance to change my situation. I very much wanted to do so, but feelings of guilt stopped me from proceeding. Nothing was being resolved.
For years I had carried the burden of mortgages and car and tuition payments. My new husband was very dear, but would drink and turn into someone I didn’t know. He would vanish and be out of touch and not be responsible. He had become ineligible for credit, and my daughter’s father wasn’t helping in the slightest. It seemed I had to be the responsible one, and it was just about breaking my spirit.
My life seemed like a reel-to-reel movie that kept repeating itself: bad marriages, unsatisfying work, ungrateful family members, bills, bills, ten-hour workdays just to make ends meet. Most of all, I kept wondering why this was my life. As a Christian Scientist the expectation is for good, but my good was always fleeting. Even so, I felt like a good Scientist: I did my daily Lesson, participated in Church activities, had healings, and loved God.
It took a dear friend to shake things up. She waited patiently while I ranted on about my situation. She never lost her conviction of the inevitable revelation of Truth. She wrote, “When you cease to struggle, you will see how impossible it is for a spiritual idea to be unemployed, unhappy, and unsatisfied.” We worked for several months with the idea that I was the whole, complete, “fabulous” idea of God, with Godlike qualities unique to me—lacking nothing!
With my friend’s urging I took the job in the Midwest. However there still were lots of issues to resolve. I did them one step at a time, working with Hymn 151: “In speechless prayer and reverence, / Dear Lord, I come to Thee; … O give me needed courage / Sweet with sincerity.”
I filed for divorce, although it was a struggle because I felt guilty—I still loved my husband and didn’t want to let go. At one point I faltered and stopped the divorce, but his issues remained and I went forward.
When I moved, my husband asked to stay in the house and I agreed. Unfortunately, he soon lost his job and stopped paying the mortgage. When he refused to leave the house, I had to serve papers to have him removed. It became clear that his refusing to leave was not because of malice but because he lacked the funds to move forward.
My friend pointed out this statement in Science and Health: “We run into error when we divide Soul into souls, multiply Mind into minds and suppose error to be mind, then mind to be in matter and matter to be a lawgiver, unintelligence to act like intelligence, and mortality to be the matrix of immortality” (S&H 249:32). I stuck with this statement throughout the divorce proceedings.
Even though my husband engaged an attorney and I represented myself, all was resolved in perfect order. In fact, I felt that his attorney was working to protect both my husband and me. My husband was given 15 days to leave the house; he was to pay all the bills that he had incurred, but not the back mortgage payments. My prayers consisted of knowing that while I was being blessed in my new position he must also be blessed; the divine Mind knows and blesses each one of His spiritual little ones.
At this point I contacted a practitioner, who shared these ideas: “In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths” (Prov. 3:6); “And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose” (Rom. 8:28); “Thus it is with whatever turns mortals away from earth to heaven; we have the promise that ‘all things work together for good to them that love God’—love good” (’00 11:8–11).
The mortal, material world presents a false picture and would have us believe that all is lost, but divine justice, God, has the last word!
There were three months of back mortgage payments mounting to well over $7,000, and the bank began contacting me to collect those payments along with late fees. In good faith I explained that I didn’t have any money and was just beginning to find my footing in the Midwest. The loan officers were sympathetic, but wanted their money. I knew spiritual enfoldment would lead me to where I needed to be to keep my commitments.
A lovely real estate woman was helping me to rent my house, but it was attracting little traffic and I had no renter. Then the electric company turned off the electricity because a new outside electrical box was needed. What next?
I was doing what I could humanly, but my thought was above what was appearing. I knew that progress was taking place, and I sang every day with joy and gratitude for all the good that was happening. Blessings were in abundance! My new job was wonderful, using my past experience in new ways. In my previous position I had been considered too forthright and honest; in my new position, those attributes were recognized as beneficial. Where I used to have a daily commute of three hours, I now rode my bike to the office. Previously I had limited time to pray; now I was in an environment that encouraged prayer, and I took full advantage of that encouragement. As Hymn 65 says, “While Christ is rich, can I be poor?” Never, since I reflect all God’s goodness.
The fullness of His blessing
Encompasseth our way;
The fullness of His promise
Crowns every dawning day;
The fullness of His glory
Is shining from above,
While more and more we learn to know
The fullness of His love.
Trusting God was the only way, and I was sure it would end rightly.
One lunch hour I went home for a bite. While I was home, I was reading the collection of testimonies from Association and thinking how the testifiers had complete trust. As I returned to work, my cell phone rang. It was the bank—they were willing to negotiate. Soon the paperwork was submitted and my loan was renegotiated to my advantage and the bank’s.
Then I was rewarded with a great tenant who loved the house! My son worked with an electrician to repair the damaged electrical box so the heat could be turned on before the new tenant arrived. All things were handled in a responsible and ethical manner. My former husband was given an opportunity to pull his life together by working in my son’s restaurant, where he also helped my son.
Currently, I am working at a job I love, my house is safe until the time is right to sell, and my former husband has moved forward to reestablish himself. 0
What I have learned is best stated by Mary Baker Eddy: Never ask for tomorrow: it is enough that divine Love is an ever-present help; and if you wait, never doubting, you will have all you need every moment. What a glorious inheritance is given to us through the understanding of omnipresent Love!” (Mis. 307:2–7) God has the last word and is always the victor!