I learnt something doing a talk

I was the keynote speaker at a business conference.  I was speaking at 12:30pm but I was at the conference all morning listening to the speakers who were on before me. 

By about 9:30am, I had a bubbling sensation in the side of my head and it felt like a big bubble was lodged behind my ear.  So I tried yawning several times to make my ears “pop” but nothing worked.  Then the right ear started which got me worrying.  I realised I couldn’t hear very well generally.  Not only that but, although I was sitting down, I started to feel a bit wobbly and unbalanced, and I started to feel some panic that I wouldn’t be able to stand up straight, let alone speak for 40 minutes in front of 250 people in a few hours time.

I had my cell phone with me and twice I went to text a practitioner to ask for immediate help but both times I thought “no, God is here…right here and immediate.”  Before Association I’d been reading thoroughly a couple of old Association Addresses, particularly the one that dealt with Soul and I’d gained a clearer sense that God is right here and is the only Mind and Soul that I have, instantly accessible. 

So I consciously made myself quiet, mentally, even though the various speeches were still going on, and listened for what God was saying as I knew that God is always speaking to us, we just have to listen.

The first thought that came was, “And o’er earth’s troubled, angry sea I see Christ walk/ And come to me, and tenderly, Divinely talk.” (Hymn 253) This is something that has come up a lot in work with a practitioner over the last year and I have come to understand more clearly that physical problems are just the manifestation of thought and it’s only ever the thought that needs healing. 

I realised that whatever this seemed to be it was just thought.  It occurred to me that it had been a few months since I had done a speech at a conference, let alone a keynote speech, and also that I had not done this particular talk before.  There was some anxiety about it that I hadn’t recognised.  In the writing of it I had been grateful for information and inspiration that had come after acknowledging God as the author of it, but I had forgotten that it’s Mind, Soul, that gives the speech too!  That calmed thought nicely. 

Then the thought came “Fear never stopped being and it’s action” - a sentence from Science and Health on p. 151 that has pulled me up a few times. This told me that irrespective of how I felt physically, I would go on that stage and do the job and I would be held up in the doing of it.  I had another 45 minutes before I was on, the ears still felt weird, and I couldn’t hear properly.  But I knew I would be all right. 

For the first few minutes of my speech I was aware of the deafness in one ear but after that I forgot it and just spoke.  There was no dizziness or wobbling.  One person in the audience tweeted that I was delivering the talk “with punch.”

About half an hour after the event as I was talking to some people, the sensations came back for a while and then on the train going home they came back quite strongly.  I started to wonder if I was going to have to deal with deafness but pulled myself up and reminded myself again that it was just erroneous thought.

After I got home I was tired and laid down on the sofa.  After about an hour, I suddenly realised that the deafness had gone completely.  Nothing bubbling or being weird was left.  And I realised properly then that it really was mental and just the manifestation of troubled, anxious thought.  It hasn’t come back since, even slightly.

It’s been a helpful experience because it really felt like a solid something was wrong but, looking back, it clearly was mental.  It has been a good reminder with other issues that seem very solid.  If that one wasn’t, then none of the other stuff can be either.