Just a few weeks after Association last year, my dad passed away suddenly, leaving five of his adult children to deal not only with the loss of a parent but with a complicated estate, the sale of the home we had been raised in, and disposal of stuff that had been very dear to him. I am the only Scientist in the family but I am so happy to say that we all made it through as a harmonious team. I attribute that to my newfound way of praying. We had many conference calls and they always started out noisy and opinionated, but I rarely said a word. I just prayed with ease while mortal mind ran down and suddenly there would be agreement.
There were lots of lessons in this experience that led to a great letting go and a sense of freedom that seemed to be a continuation of the Association epiphany. Later, in the fall, I had an overwhelming urge to be rid of my own large house. It occurred to me to check a real estate website and to search the zip code of our downtown area of all places! My husband was agreeable, and one week later we had purchased a lovely little condominium in an historic building in the center of town. We gave away lots of stuff to get ready to sell our house and while we chose to delay putting it on the market until spring, the house has now sold. And we will soon have even less stuff and a much simpler lifestyle. I can’t wait.
As I have started tapping into that wonderful effortless sense in my prayers, something else has been happening: I am coming to want just that. To crave it. I keep my iPad on my desk and take the time at work to dig into the periodical archives. The confusion between doing humanly good works well and just yielding to the reality of good is disappearing.
As I have contemplated leaving my job to devote more time to Science, I have had to face many almost overwhelming temptations. There are other human goals that would pull me, things I want to try, to explore. And I still seem to have some heavy responsibilities that many would say only I can fulfill. It has seemed those should be completed before I leave. But at least one such duty has dragged on for too long already, like a curiously protracted birth. And I wonder whether if I just got on to Ninevah, the entire ship might be better off. I am finding though, that the attraction of Science has become irresistible, something I want to do and not just am supposed to do. The easy prayer will untangle these interlaced ambiguities.