I was not alone in my journey

Recently I lost a close family member who had been a profound influence on my growth as a Christian Scientist. As one would expect, some grief needed to be overcome. But what I didn’t expect was the relentless onslaught of thoughts that I would not be able to continue in Christian Science without her support. In the last five years, I had lost three individuals who were critical to my progress as a Christian Scientist; I had experienced healings through their treatment and support. For several weeks I felt as if my thoughts were under siege by mortal mind, insisting that Christian Science was futile and far too difficult to demonstrate now that I was “on my own.”

Feeling defeated in my repeated attempts to silence these erroneous thoughts, I wholeheartedly turned to God, seeking His guidance. In the stillness of quiet prayer, God assured me that I was not alone in my journey: He was the One who brought me to Christian Science and He was the One who was supporting me in Christian Science. This angel message illumined my thought and I was able to see that my demonstration in Christian Science was God’s work. Yes, He used these three individuals to help me along the way, but God was still the principle behind all that had been accomplished.

I recognized that I needed to be alert to the animal magnetism that would try to turn me away from Christian Science. I found my healing as I re-read the chapter “Animal Magnetism Unmasked,” which states: “The truths of immortal Mind sustain man, and they annihilate the fables of mortal mind, whose flimsy and gaudy pretensions, like silly moths, singe their own wings and fall into dust” (Science and Health 103:25). I knew that God was sustaining me, and the silly belief that I was not going to make it in Christian Science disappeared into nothingness.

Shortly after this, I had the opportunity to help an acquaintance who is also a Christian Scientist experience healing. God was showing me that He is sufficient to meet every human need, including the need to continue my spiritual demonstration.

The following month, we received the assignment. I decided to start by reading We Knew Mary Baker Eddy. As I was reading, the mental attack started to resurface but with a twist: I am not a good Christian Scientist because I haven’t had many healings. I found myself forgetting many healings that had occurred. I was feeling defeat by thinking that these early Christian Scientists were healed by simply reading Science and Health, while today the stronger beliefs of materialism and medicine make it much harder to experience healing.

I started to think, How can I submit a response to the assignment when I haven’t had any recent healings? Despite mortal mind’s efforts to confuse and discourage me, I persisted in completing the assignment, each time asking God to show me His ideas for me. Suddenly, I was finding new insights and inspiration. I started highlighting and taking notes of passages that felt like God was speaking directly to me. As a result, several physical healings occurred, including stomach issues, sore muscles, and cuts.

As I reflect on all that transpired in the last few months, this reminiscence from Lida W. Fitzpatrick captures the essence of what I learned: “Mr K. asked, ‘When you reach a place where you have done everything you know to do or what to do, desiring, striving for divine guidance, and it does not seem to come, and discouragement comes in and causes you to doubt your ability to grasp it, what do you do?’ Mrs. Eddy replied, ‘Shut out the senses and take the side with God; if it comes to you that you do not know which side is with God, turn to Him alone, shutting out everything else. This is the way’” (We Knew Mary Baker Eddy, Expanded Edition, Vol. II, p. 119).